If trees screamed, would we be so willing to cut them down?  Maybe, if they screamed all the time.  Jack Handey
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Two elderly women were out driving in a large car – both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself “I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light.” After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again.  Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, “Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!” Mildred turned to her and said, “Oh, crap, am I driving?”
 
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A young brunette went into a doctor’s office, complaining that her body hurt all over.  “Try to be specific,” said the Doctor.  The maiden took her finger and pushed on her elbow, then let out an agonized yelp. She touched her knee and produced a blood-curdling scream. Finally, the girl pressed on her ankle and passed out from the pain. 
When she came to, the doctor asked, “Are you really a brunette?” 
“No,” she winced, “I’m actually a blonde.”  “That is what I thought,” the physician smirked. “Your finger is broken.”
 
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