Text Messages:
 
From Father: 
My Dear Son,
Today is a day you will treasure for all the days of your life.
My best love and good wishes.
Your Father.
 
From Son:
Thanks Dad. But the wedding isn’t actually until tomorrow
 
From Father:
I know….
 
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One day mom was cleaning junior’s room and in the closet she found a S&M magazine.  This was highly upsetting for her. She hid the magazine until his father got home and showed it to him.  He looked at it and handed it back to her with out a word.  So she asked him, “What should we do about this?”  Dad looked at her and said, “Well I don’t think you should spank him.”
 
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A Texan buys the entire bar a round of drinks.  He told the bar his wife had given birth to a typical Texan boy weighing 24 pounds at birth.
Congratulations showered him from all around, along with many exclamations of “Wow!”
Two weeks later, the Texan returns to the bar. The bartender says, “Say, you’re the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed 24 pounds at birth. How much does he weigh now?”
The proud father answers, “18 pounds.”
The bartender, puzzled and concerned, asks, “Why? What happened? He already weighed 24 pounds at birth.”
The Texas father takes a slow swig from his longneck beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says, “Had him circumcised.”
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